Me, my worrier, and my ritual of doubt

I haven’t seen many people who put copious amounts of time and effort into overthinking as I do. I tend to have a steady stream of what-if questions that won’t let me rest. And I realized that my ritual of doubt is a built process to prepare myself with a mitigation strategy to any potential threats. Threats of losing things that keep me stable — love, health, money, or pride.

Many self-help gurus advise that I need to liberate myself from these what-ifs in order to be happy and successful. And I think they are not wrong. I often notice a physical signal from my body letting me know that I was stuck in my thoughts for an unnecessary amount of time spending energy while causing only stress to myself. These unpleasant physical sensations are usually channeled through my stomach. Sometimes it feels like there’s a butterfly in my stomach, only that it is a soul-sucking-demonic kind. Other Times, I feel the gravity of a black hole in my stomach that swallows joy then leaves me with sharp punches of anxiety.

On a positive note, I shouldn’t completely discredit my overthinking. The continuous and conscious streams of what-ifs and maybe’s prepared me to be at where I am now. Having what others call a successful career, living a fabulous life in the city that never sleeps. So I don’t want to give too much 💩 to myself and to my ritual of doubt. And with this realization, another internal dialog started…

❓ What if it’s a sign of intelligence* and it to anxiety and unhappiness?

💡 Maybe I can re-define my relationship with my overthinking.

❓ Maybe it’s about finding a balance and setting boundaries, just like any life problem.

❓ But how do I draw a line for a “good enough” amount of overthinking? How will I know that I’ve had enough of it?

💡 Maybe I should even give it a new name. ‘Over-X’ already gives a bad connotation.

I’ve decided to put a pause on my internal thoughts right there. For now, I am going to gift a new name for my inner worrier — A ritual of deep focused thinking. I don’t know where this will lead me to, or going to make any difference in my life. And that’s okay with me, for now.

🥂